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Summary: Oh, THIS is funny. A very odd battle between Alonzo and Tugger. LOL!
"Tiger, tiger, burning bright, in the forests of the night; what immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry?" Mistoffelees said aloud, writing down the words. He was seated comfortably on the fender of the delapidated automobile at the junkyard's center, holding a leaky, busted fountain pen in his paw and a piece of torn cardboard in his lap. He was covered in splotches of blue from the fountain pen; luckily they didn't show up well against his black fur. He looked up and tapped himself thoughtfully on the chin with the fountain pen, leaving a blue smudge on the white fur of his face. Then, with careful deliberation, he marked out the words on the cardboard. "Nah," he commented, wrinkling his nose. "Who would write anything like that?"
"Why do you gotta write her poetry anyway?" remarked the Rum Tum Tugger, who was stretched out on his back on the car's hood. His head rested on his arms as he stared up at the stars, little dots of twinkling white against the cobalt sky. "I'm tellin' ya, you're goin' about it the wrong way."
"Don't listen to him," Alonzo scoffed from his spot on the ground in front of the auto. He was lying on his stomach with his chin in his paws, watching a bug intently as it crawled along the ground. "He just knows how to get the girls. He don't know nothin' about hangin' onto 'em."
"Victoria's a classy girl," Misto said with a sigh. "It takes stuff like poetry and flowers to impress her."
"How would you know?" Tugger laughed. "You're not even her boyfriend!"
"I could be if I wanted to," Misto sulked, turning away from Tugger and frowning as he chewed the tip of the pen. As he did so, ink squirted out of the opposite end and soaked the piece of cardboard. Misto made a disgusted noise and flung the cardboard and the pen away.
"You won't even talk to her, Misto," Tugger protested gently. "And you think she's going to take the hint?"
"What hint? I bet he ain't even dropped any!" Alonzo yelled, doubling over with gleeful laughter.
"Will you shut up?" Misto hissed at him. "I have so! I've dropped plenty!"
"Name one!"
Misto opened his mouth and then shut it again with a click as his teeth snapped together. He frowned stormily. "See?" Alonzo hooted. "Kid, you ain't never gonna get a girl that way!"
"I'd like to see you do any better," Misto said coldly. "With your... chauvinistic advances and... and superficial compliments!"
"My what?" Alonzo shouted, his laughter changing to a quizzical expression.
"Chauvinistic," Tugger said with a sigh, "means that you're a jerk. Superficial means you're stupid."
"More or less," Misto said with a nod, quoting Skimbleshanks.
"I don't have to stick around and hear this," Alonzo retorted.
"You're right, you don't," Tugger replied, stifling a laugh by covering his mouth with his paw and pretending to burp.
"I should think you'd be glad to hear my val-yoo-able advice," Alonzo articulated, glaring at Misto.
"You never said anything about offering advice," Misto pointed out.
"That's because you wouldn't let me get to it," Alonzo said. "I am offering my advice. There, ya happy now?"
"Very," Misto said, with a sincere nod. "I need all the help I can get making Victoria notice me." Alonzo looked satisfied and grinned egotistically.
"Now, hey! Wait just a minute!" Tugger cried, sitting upright and putting his paw to his chest in a gestire of mock offense. "If you let Alonzo tell ya what to do, you'll be worse off than ya are now! Let the master show you how it's done."
"Yeah, right!" Alonzo shouted, jumping to his feet. "The master of what, slapology?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Slapology! You know, the art of getting slapped!"
"How about I give you a course in punchology, ya little..."
"You can both help me!" Misto yelled, stepping quickly between the advancing Jellicles. "Like I said, I need all the help I can get."
"Okay," Tugger said. "And just to, you know, make things a little interesting..." He rubbed his paws together devilishly. "One catnip mouse says I can get Victoria to notice him first."
"You're on," Alonzo said, narrowing his eyes and leaning forward so that he was almost nose to nose with Tugger. "And to make things even more interesting, two catnip mice say I get 'em hooked up first."
"Guys, would you please back off? You're starting to worry me," Misto said. He was so much shorter than the other two cats that he was trapped between them as they stood nose to nose. He managed to bend over and escape between Alonzo's legs.
"Okay, kiddo," Tugger said, stepping away from but not taking his eyes off Alonzo. "Be here, at this spot, first thing in the morning. See you then," he hissed at Alonzo. Then he turned and stalked off.
"Yeah," Alonzo hissed back. "See you then." And he stomped away. Misto sighed. This would be interesting.
***
Morning had come, but it was hard to tell because the sky was clogged with light gray clouds that prevented any sunlight from filtering through. There was a breeze blowing, and although the air was already chill and the breeze only intensified this fact, neither Alonzo or Tugger seemed to mind standing in front of the car and letting it ruffle their fur. They stood stiff and silent, facing away from each other with their arms folded crossly over their chests. At last Misto came running up, rubbing his arms with his paws and breathing little puffs of air. "Geez, is it ever cold!" he exclaimed with a cheerful but wary smile.
Tugger spoke first. "Good job, Misto," he said. "It's always good to be fashionably late."
"Girls hate tardiness," Alonzo contradicted, scowling at Tugger from the corner of his eye. Misto nodded at both of them and groaned inwardly.
"Okay. The first thing we've got to do is find Vicky," Alonzo suggested.
"No, we've got to let her find him. Never let a girl think you're too eager."
"You've got to let 'em know you like 'em." "Wait for her to make the first move."
"That could take forever unless you're a self-absorbed Adonis like someone we know."
"What are you implying, Mr. Let-Her-Know-You-Like-Her? You probably had to get down on your knees and beg before Cassandra would even look at you!"
"Why I oughta..."
"Why don't we just go and find Victoria? She's probably right around the corner, talking to Electra," Misto piped up hopefully. The two duelers looked at him as if they had forgotten who he was. Then Tugger smiled.
"Good idea, kiddo," he said. "It'll be easier for her to make the first move if she knows you're around." They walked around the junkyard in silence. Misto kept his eyes peeled for Victoria, but Tugger and Alonzo glared angrily at one another.
Suddenly Misto stopped walking. Tugger and Alonzo slammed into him and nearly knocked him over. "There she is," Misto whispered, gulping audibly. "What do I do? What do I do?" He began to whimper. "You know, maybe I'll adjust to bachelorhood eventually. See ya!" he exclaimed, squeezing between Tugger and Alonzo and running away. Alonzo grabbed him by the tail and yanked him backwards.
"Oh no you don't," he laughed. "You ain't goin' nowhere! I got three catnip mice ridin' on you, buster, and you're not weaselin' out now! Here's what you gotta do..."
***
Victoria was seated on an overturned flowerpot, leaning over and listening with interest as Electra gossiped. "And you wouldn't believe what she did!" Electra squealed. "She grabbed him and kissed him, just like that! I mean, it was Munkustrap!"
Victoria giggled. "What'd he do then?"
Electra glanced around, leaned forward, and whispered confidentially, "Don't tell anyone I told you this, but I swear he kissed her back!" The two girls giggled uncontrollably.
"I can't," Misto insisted, petrified.
"Yes you can! Now go out there and make me proud!" Alonzo gave him a forceful push. Tugger yawned. Misto stumbled forwards and had no alternative but to keep going. As he neared Victoria, he cleared his throat and glanced back at Alonzo, who flashed him a claws-up sign.
"Hark! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east! And, uh..." Misto said loudly, walking dramatically past Victoria and Electra. "Uh.... It is the east! And, uh...." He shrank under Electra's stare and quickly ran back to where Alonzo was standing with a pained and defeated look on his face. Tugger was clutching his stomach and looking as though he would explode from trying to hold in his laughter.
"What was that about?" Electra asked.
"It's just Misto. He's been through a lot lately," Victoria replied with a shrug. "So.... Do you think Demeter liked it?"
"You screwed up!" Alonzo shouted. Misto's ears drooped and his face burned shamefully. "You really screwed up! How could you forget? 'It is the east, and Victoria is the sun!'"
"Aw, give 'im a break, Alonzo," Tugger protested with a grin. "It's his first try. And it was your idea, by the way."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Alonzo said, glaring at Tugger. "It means it's my turn to come up with something. Now listen, kid," he said, putting his paw around Misto's shoulders and drawing him nearer, "that ain't the way at all. Ya gotta make her think she wants you, not the other way around."
***
"I wish I knew more about Tumblebrutus and Jemima," Victoria told Electra with a sigh. "But I just can't get her to talk. Mention his name and she goes into mad ecstasies, giggling and sighing like an idiot."
"I know!" agreed Electra with a giggle. "And I thought she was mad at him! Last week if you even said the word 'tumble' she'd turn red in the face and stomp off!"
"You can't have me," Misto said, walking by the two again and twirling his tail like a watch chain. "You just can't have me. My heart belongs to another." He glanced at Victoria hopefully, but all she did was raise her eyebrow quizically and return to her conversation.
"Okay, so the hard-to-get approach didn't work either," Tugger said with a shrug of his maned shoulders. "Your turn."
"Hmmm, lemme think. It shouldn't be too hard to top that little disaster," Alonzo remarked, pulling at his chin thoughtfully. "I've got it! All he's gotta do this time is..."
"I like the red better than the pink. Pink looks horrible on Bomby. Not that red looks much better, but..." Victoria was suddenly interrupted by the sound of Misto's voice. He was standing on a shoebox and caterwauling, and doing a terrible job of it. He wasn't exactly off-key; in fact, his voice was splendid. The only problem was that he was singing jibberish. Victoria covered her ears and rolled her eyes at Electra, who frowned at Misto and squared her jaw annoyedly.
"Shut up, Misto. It's not working," Tugger whispered, pulling on the black cat's tail. "I told you she wouldn't go for opera singing," he told Alonzo, sticking his tongue out. "If he's gonna tell her he likes her, it'll have to be in English and not Italian, or whatever that was." He put his paw to his chin in a pensive gesture; then his eyes widened and his expression became one of sudden enlightenment. "I've got an incredible idea! No girl can resist it! That is, if you think you're up to it, Misto."
***
"I think he's cute, but he's so terribly boring. I don't know what she sees in him. He's all hot air," Electra said. Victoria nodded and was about to speak when Misto came cartwheeling over, his fur sparkling with dozens of tiny lights. He went into a back handspring and did a triple flip, then as his big finish clapped his paws together. He was supposed to produce a bouquet of flowers, but instead he vanished in a spurt of flame. Electra coughed.
"Anyway," Victoria said, turning back to her friend, "I heard that Etcetera told Bombalurina that..."
"I knew I'd mess up," Misto wailed miserably, reappearing behind Tugger and hiding behind his legs. "I just knew it."
"Don't worry about it, kid!" Alonzo exclaimed, clapping him on the back. "Nobody could've succeeded with that crackpot plan. I've got one that'll work no matter what."
***
"That's simply scandalous," Victoria said in a shocked whisper. "And this went on right behind is back?" Electra nodded once, emphatically, and Victoria gasped and clicked her tongue.
"I feel like an idiot," Misto moaned.
"You look like an idiot," Tugger giggled. Alonzo glared at him.
"Don't tell him that, you'll ruin the poor kid's self-esteem."
"As if that getup hasn't already."
"Are you saying you dislike my costuming skills?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying. You got a problem with it?"
"My fist has a problem with it."
"What am I supposed to do again?" Misto interrupted. He was wearing a filthy, moth-eaten bowler hat that covered his eyes and a tattered shirt that was so big Alonzo had had to roll the sleeves up to the elbows and they still covered Misto's paws. The shirt came down over his feet and trailed out behind him like a bridal train. He was holding a big cardboard sign that said in big, sloppy letters, ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE MISTO LIKES VICKIE HOPE SHE LIKES HIM TOO!
"Go up to her," Alonzo explained in an exasperated voice, "say your line, and ask her to dinner. And this time don't forget the line!"
Misto nodded, turned, and padded towards Victoria, holding the sign up over his head.. He got as close as a foot away before he tripped over the shirt and fell face-first onto her feet. He got up weakly, lifted the hat so he could see her, grabbed her paw, cleared his throat, and said, "Er.... H-here's lookin' at you, kid."
"Misto...?" Victoria began, putting her other paw to her chest in surprise. "What on earth has gotten into you?"
"Don't ask," he mumbled. "Will you go to dinner with me tonight?"
Victoria glanced at Electra and then back at Misto. "I don't know," she said with a laugh. "I might have plans..." She glanced again at Electra, whose cheeks were puffed out with barely containable laughter. Electra shook her head. "All right. I'll go."
"Really?" Misto's eyes had grown huge. "You'll really go? Hey guys! She said she'll go!" he called over his shoulder to Alonzo and Tugger. They shook their heads emphatically and waved their paws wildly at him, then snapped to attention and grinned naturally as Victoria looke up at them and cocked her eyebrow. "That's... that's great!" Misto went on, looking around as though he had forgotten where he was. "Great! Great! I'll, uh, meet you here tonight! At dusk! Wow! Great!" He let go of Victoria's paw and wandered off in a daze, tripping continuously on the shirt and falling down, only to push himself up again and exclaim "Wow!"
Victoria watched him go, shook her head, and turned back to Electra. "So, what does she say about it?"
"Got a date with an angel..." Misto sang, dancing around on the tips of his toes. He clasped his paws out in front of him, then smacked himself in the chest with them and twirled around. He teetered to one side and fell into Tugger's outstretched arms.
"Yeah, yeah, we're real happy for ya," Tugger said, putting his paws on Misto's shoulders and pushing him down into a sitting position on an empty box of Corn Flakes. "Come back to earth for a while. You only got an hour or so to get ready."
Mistoffelees had spent the entire day wandering around the junkyard, singing every love song he could think of and giving a flower to everybody he met, even Munkustrap, who peered at the flower and then at him with a befuddled expression. Misto merely danced away, singing. As the sun began to yawn its way across the sky, his heartbeat had become more rapid until at last the cherished organ beat like a caged bird against the bars that were his ribs.
The sun now sat cupped inside a cloud at the far corner of the western sky, threatening at any moment to plunge beneath the horizon and leave the world in dusk. Misto stared at it with a mixture of awe and terror. "O heavenly orb," he cried, "that makes my heart aflutter!"
"He's lost it," Alonzo muttered out of the side of his mouth to the Tugger, who nodded in agreement. "Okay, kid, we've only got a little while before ol' Mr. Orb decides he's had it for the day. Remember, punct-yoo-ality is a good thing."
"No, punctuality is not a good thing," Tugger interrupted. "Make her wait for ya, ya know? Then when you finally get there she'll be all happy and stuff."
"How could any girl be happy to see you?" Alonzo remarked to Tugger with a wry grin. "Misto, you want to get there before she does. That way you'll have the element of surprise."
"Whaddya mean, the element of surprise? What's he gonna do, sit there with a water gun?"
"I oughta take a water gun and shove it up your..." "If I don't start now I won't get there early or late," Misto said with a sigh. "I probably won't even get there at all!"
"He's right," Tugger said, glaring at Alonzo and putting his paws on Misto's shoulders. "Okay, kid, the first and most important thing to do before going anywhere with a girl is to make sure you look okay. I happen to be an expert in that area." Alonzo coughed and rolled his eyes.
Tugger walked leisurely around the entire junkyard, returning as the sun was on the brim of the horizon with a shard of mirror, a dirty red ribbon, and his own personal brush. "You're not shedding, are you?" he asked Misto warily, reticent to relinquish the brush. He clutched his most prized possession to his chest, only willing to surrender it after Misto had assured him that shorthaired alley cats seldom shed. Misto didn't know if this was true or not, nor did he care; he only wanted to get everything over with.
"Sit still," Tugger complained. The brush was specifically for longhaired cats, and although it did a pretty good job with Misto's fur, the bristles poked him and made him squirm.
"I'm trying," he replied, squirming even more.
"All right, now he's all slicked down and looking good," Alonzo said, after the struggle between the black cat and the brush. "What next?"
Misto, who was standing in front of the mirror piece and admiring his shiny, well-groomed coat, turned around and said with a gulp, "Next?"
"Sure!" Tugger exclaimed, looking shocked. "You're not even halfway there yet!"
"Look what I got," Alonzo sang, waving a leaky bottle of cologne in front of Misto's face. The black cat wrinkled his nose and coughed. "It's not that bad," Alonzo said, wounded. "I use it all the time."
"Well, that explains it," Tugger murmured.
Alonzo unscrewed the lid from the bottle and poured a few drops on Misto's head. Then he rubbed it in roughly using both his paws. "Hey!" Misto yelled.
"You messed it up!" Tugger pouted, grabbing the brush. He began to rebrush the hair on Misto's head. Misto sighed. "You know," Tugger admitted after a few seconds, "it does kind of smell good. Like a flower garden."
"Wonderful," Misto muttered. "My first date and I smell like a flower garden."
"Awright!" Tugger yelled, waving the ribbon around like a banner. "The finishing touch!" He then proceeded to tie a large bow around Misto's neck. "Whaddya think?" he asked Alonzo proudly. "I think you should've used black. Red doesn't go well with the blue in his eyes."
"I think I'm choking," Misto gargled. Tugger quickly untied the bow.
"We-ell," he remarked, drawing out the word. "I'll see if I can find anything."
"Oh," Misto moaned softly, glancing at the sun. Nothing was left of it except for a thin slice at the very top, which burned like an ember in the western sky.
"Will this work?" Tugger asked breathlessly, returning from his jog around the junkyard. In his paw was a moth-eaten bow tie. It was made of real black satin, and except for a big hole in one end and a few fraying threads, it was in beautiful condition.
"Wow," Misto remarked, staring in the mirror. "I look... I look..."
"Snazzy," Tugger offered.
"Elegant," Alonzo returned.
"Good," Misto said with finality. "Quick, I need some flowers." He jumped up and looked around frantically. He spotted a small patch of wildflowers growing by the back fence and ran to pick them. "Cool idea, kid," Tugger said with a laugh. "Must've picked it up from me."
"Hey!" Alonzo exclaimed. "I'm the romantic one, remember?"
"Romantic, my hind foot!" Tugger yelled, turning on him.
"I'll break your hind foot if you don't watch your mouth, ya big, stoopid..."
"You guys are going with me, right?" Misto said, stepping between them and tightening his tie. "To help me?"
"Sure, kid," Alonzo said with a big grin. "This bet ain't over yet," he added quietly, glaring at Tugger. Tugger stuck his tongue out at him.
***
"You don't have to worry about a thing," Alonzo assured the small black cat as they walked to the meeting spot. "Me and Tugger set everything up for you. I even managed to get gourmet for dinner."
"Gourmet?! Yeah right!" Tugger cried, jabbing Alonzo roughly in the ribs with his elbow. He turned to Misto. "He's lying. It's a turkey sandwich he swiped off the counter of the deli at the bus station."
Alonzo shrugged. "Hey, would you rather eat rat?" Misto shook his head firmly and made a disgusted face.
"Well, she's not here. Let's go," Misto said, glancing quickly around the area and shrugging. He turned, squeezed through Alonzo and Tugger, and began to run away. Tugger sighed and stepped nonchalantly on the end of his tail, preventing him from getting very far.
"Don't panic," he instructed. "She's right there. You'll do great! Just hand her the flowers and tell her she looks nice."
"Hand her the flowers, tell her she looks nice. Hand her the flowers, tell her she looks nice. Hand her the flowers, tell her she... H-hi, Victoria," Misto stammered, shuffling nervously over to where Victoria sat. She was beautiful; her fur had been brushed as well, although Misto supposed she actually owned the brush, and Bombalurina had lent her a red, jewel-studded collar that complemented her green eyes nicely. Misto gulped and thrust the flowers at her. "You look nice," he said breathlessly, unable to look away. Victoria blushed and smiled. Alonzo and Tugger slapped each other a high five.
"Thanks," Victoria said, taking the flowers. "They smell wonderful! And you do, too," she added with a sniff in Misto's direction. He grinned and glanced over his shoulder at Tugger and Alonzo, who were hidden from Victoria's sight behind a dented microwave oven.
"Well," Misto sighed, taking a seat on a shoebox, "shall we eat?" The 'table' was a big cardboard box with a moth-eaten sheet spread over it for a tablecloth. In the center of the tablecloth was a tarnished candelabra with one of the candlesticks missing; somehow Tugger had managed to light the other two, and the flames flickered playfully on Victoria's face. Misto felt dizzy again. In front of the candelabra was a little covered dish. Misto lifted the cover and revealed a turkey sandwich, sliced neatly in half, and part of a cupcake that Alonzo had found on the bench at a bus stop.
Misto didn't eat. He was afraid of getting sick, which would be mortifying, and which would ruin his chances with Victoria. Instead he watched her chew, ignoring the grumbling in his stomach and annoying her immensely. With each bite she would stare at her paws in uneasy silence, waiting for him to speak. When she had finished at last, they sat silently and looked around. Tugger moaned. "Awww, he's not even talking to her! Whatsamatter with him? Misto!" he whispered, waving his paws.
Misto looked up. "Will you, uh, excuse me?" he asked Victoria. She nodded vacantly and stifled a yawn. As Misto reached the microwave, his knees buckled and he fell, pounding his fists against the ground. "You guys, I'm failing miserably!" he wailed, beating on the ground. "I (pound) don't (pound) know (pound) what (pound) to (pound) do!" He put his paws in his mouth and looked up at Alonzo miserably.
"Ummm..." Alonzo stuttered, glancing around frantically. Suddenly his face lit up. "All right, Misto," he said with a grin. "You go back out there and make me proud! Don't worry about anything, okay? We've got it all under control. C'mon, Tugger." He grabbed Tugger by the paw and yanked him out of Misto's line of vision. Defeated, Misto slapped his paws to his sides and trudged back to Victoria.
"So," he said, taking his seat.
"So," she said, yawning.
Suddenly, music began to play. Tugger and Alonzo had dragged a huge victrola over behind the microwave and were busy feeding it records and cranking the handle on the side of the strange box. Victoria's ears perked up and she gave a little squeal. "Listen!" she gasped. "Isn't it beautiful?"
"Yeah," Misto replied with a sigh, putting his elbow on the table and his chin in his paw and gazing across at Victoria, "it is." She gazed back. Their eyes locked. Alonzo gasped and poked Tugger in the ribs. Tugger stopped cranking to watch. Then Victoria shattered the moment by grabbing Misto by the paw and pulling him out of his seat. "What are you doing?" Misto asked, a little frightened.
"You mean what are we doing," Victoria corrected with a wry grin. "Let's dance."
Misto swallowed and looked helplessly at Tugger. Dance? He couldn't dance! But here was Victoria, putting her paw on his shoulder and taking his paw in hers. He swallowed again.
"Your other paw goes here," Victoria said, raising her eyebrow suspiciously and placing Misto's paw on her waist.
His mouth went dry. "I knew that," he choked. Alonzo smacked Tugger, who seemed dazed, and the music started again.
Misto stepped on Victoria's foot. She winced, but instead of reprimanding him she smiled and said, "It helps if you count."
"1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3," Misto counted gratefully, watching his feet. They moved pretty much like he wanted them to, except for once or twice when they ended up on top of Victoria's. "1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3..." Soon he didn't have to count. Then he stopped watching his feet and looked instead at Victoria.
"Lookit, he's still going!" Alonzo whispered delightedly. "He ain't even counting, and he's still going! It's a miracle!"
"Yeah, whatever. We're runnin' out of records," Tugger warned, wincing as the record in the victrola squeaked to a stop.
"That's the last of 'em," Alonzo growled, running a paw through the fur on his head. "Now what're we gonna do?"
"The music stopped," Misto said, a little frightened. Now the junkyard was eerily silent. Tugger popped up from behind the victrola and shrugged helplessly. Misto frowned, bit his lip, and nodded. Then he looked at Victoria.
"Yes, it did," she said vacantly, looking back at him. "Well. Now what?"
Misto gulped. How was he supposed to know? Tugger and Alonzo were supposed to have everything worked out! "Um.... 'Scuse me, I'll be right back," Misto said, darting away. She sighed and sat down on the shoebox.
Misto sat down with a little thud next to Tugger and buried his face in his paws. He moaned. "Cheer up, kid," Alonzo offered. "You did really great out there. I think she was impressed."
"Impressed. Yeah," Misto muttered without looking up.
"Yeah!" Tugger exclaimed, punching him playfully on the shoulder. He must have hit harder than intended, though, because Misto grimaced and rubbed his shoulder. "All you gotta do now is make small talk until she's tired and ready to go home."
Mistoffelees, who was at this point ready to do anything, nodded, got up with a groan, and walked back over to the cardboard table. He sat down again on an overturned flowerpot and put his elbows on his knees. Then he put his chin in his paws and leaned forward. "So," he asked Victoria with a grin. "Do you like Shakespeare?"
"He's all right," Victoria replied, stifling a yawn. "I haven't read anything besides bits and pieces of Romeo and Juliet."
"Really? I haven't read any," Misto admitted. "I like Longfellow. The part about' Tell me not in mournful numbers, life is but a shallow dream'...."
" 'For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not what they seem'," Victoria finished for him. Misto seemed awed. Victoria seemed bored.
"Have you ever been to the beach?" Misto blurted. He smacked himself in the face. What kind of a dumb question was that?!
Victoria glanced at him, startled. "No," she replied in a chilling tone. Misto rolled his eyes skyward and wished he'd never been born. "Have you?"
"Noooo..." he said with a sigh. Suddenly he slid down off the flowerpot, knelt in front of Victoria, and took her paw.
"Wow!" Tugger whispered, grabbing Alonzo's head and turning it so that he could see as well. "He must be doing better than we thought! Look, he's gonna propose!"
"Victoria..." Misto began, chewing thoughtfully on his lip. "I really like you. But none of this was my idea; it was all Tugger's and Alonzo's."
She looked shocked. "You mean you didn't want to ask me to dinner?"
"No! That's not it at all!" Misto fairly yelled. "It's just that... well, if it hadn't been for them, I never would have gotten the nerve to ask you in the first place."
"Why are you telling me this?" she asked him, arching her eyebrow.
Misto let go of her paw and stood up. He wandered around in a big semicircle, clasping his paws behind his back and swishing his tail back and forth. "Because," he said. "I didn't want you to think I was something I'm not. So that when you found out the truth, maybe you wouldn't be so disappointed."
Victoria frowned. "Hey," she said suddenly, leaning forward and grinning devilishly, "wanna hitch a ride on a car bumper?"
Misto's eyebrows shot up. "Sure!" he exclaimed. She grabbed him by the paw and dragged him off towards the junkyard exit.
"Should we follow 'em?" Tugger asked, concerned.
"Nah," Alonzo replied with a dopey grin. "I think our work here is done."
"All right." They linked arms and strode away. "Oh, and by the way," Tugger remarked casually as they neared Bombalurina's home behind a busted recliner, where all the girls were having a sleepover, "don't forget that catnip mouse you owe me."
Alonzo laughed. "I think not, my furry friend. I believe it's you who owes me a mouse."
"It is not," Tugger growled. "What did you do? I did nearly everything!"
"Excuse me?" Alonzo yelled. "What did I do? All I did was get them together, which would have happened a lot sooner if it hadn't been for your buffoonery!"
They passed Bustopher Jones and Skimbleshanks, who were absorbed in a game of checkers that had been set up on the back of a dog-eared phone book. "Your move," Skimble said thoughtfully. He glanced up as the pair of bickering toms passed and remarked nostalgically to Bustopher, "Do you remember, old bean, the time we taught Tugger and Alonzo there the basics of love?"
"Of course," Bustopher replied, jumping two of Skimble's pieces. "How could I forget? You had some of the awfullest plans I'd ever heard! Thank Heaviside I was there to help out."
Skimble, whose unfailing experience and patience that came with age had taught him never to argue with Bustopher Jones, smiled wistfully and replied, "I should have known better. You can't teach love."